Blog Post Focus
This blog post focuses on pros and cons of living with a friend during residency. I explore some of my personal experience, which was mostly positive. Depending on where one matches it may or may not be possible to live with a friend. For those who matched to a location near a friend and are thinking of living with them here are some thoughts I have.
Personal Experience of Living With a Friend For Part of Residency
During my internship I lived with one of my good friends. Overall, it was a great experience. We were able to give each other support, we were able to make time for each other throughout the week, we were both happy with our deal on rent, and I had freedom that I would not have had were I living with my family.
We were very similar people, so living together in this time was quite smooth. Sometimes some issues came up, but we were able to address them. Since we had similar expectations and we communicated well the living situation was quite good. I look back fondly on these times together and it strengthened our friendship.
Thoughts For Other Residents Thinking of Living With Friends
Living with friends can be great. Also, living with friends can be not so great. If you had roommates at any other point in your life you know that sharing space can be difficult. We expect the times with our friends to be much more pleasant than with strangers, but living together is much different than meeting up here and there for a good time.
Living with friends can be a great option. Chances are you know your friends well enough by this point that you know if you could get along well while living together. Instead of being a roommate with a stranger, you share a space with someone you know well. You can build each other up, vent, and share experiences. It may be the last time such an opportunity exists for either of you.
A Transactional Relationship
Whether you share an apartment together or you rent out space in a home of theirs you will now have a transactional relationship in addition to your friendship. This may add strain. Particularly if you pay rent to your friend. Money issues can arise which can add new tension between you that was never before experienced.
Expectations
Setting expectations with your friend is very important. Even if you are similar to your friend you are different people. Try to have some ideas on how you will communicate when issues inevitably develop.
At some point they will be more outgoing than you want and at some point they will be less outgoing than you want. If your friend is loud you will hear them. If they constantly are bugging you to party with them when you need to study you may run into friction. If you are constantly busy and they have a wide open schedule they may resent that you seem to blow them off all the time. Set expectations early so you know what you are getting into.
Conflicting Expectations
Living with friends can be a not-so-great option if either of you have different expectations or different general attitudes. If you are constantly butting heads over who gets what space and when you likely will not have a good time. Additionally, it may ruin your friendship. Money matters and annoying each other can raise tensions fast and can change an amicable relationship into something ugly.
Rent
Additionally, the transactional and financial relationship you now share can make sharing a living situation difficult. If either of you regrets spending so much or so little for an apartment it can lead to resentment. If you don’t feel that your friend is charging you fair rent or if you are the friend charging rent, then that can lead to lots of strain. Make sure you both feel it is a fair relationship. If any person is feeling financial strain or that the situation is unjust it can deteriorate quickly.
Conclusion—Living With a Friend May or May Not Be a Good Option
Living with a friend can be a great option or a not-so-great option. It is a good option if you have a friend with whom you can discuss and share the same expectations. It can be a good option so long as you both agree on the financial aspects of the relationship. It can be a bad option if you have different expectations. Finally, it can be a very bad option if you have disagreements over the financial aspects of the relationship.
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